Batten Down the Hatches! (Post-Eppie: Half
Wit)
DJ Dubois
March 2007
Rating: T (Teen—language advisory)
Notes: House MD belongs to FOX and its copyright holders. Please send comments
to dante0220@yahoo.com .
Spoilers: Everything (especially Half Wit).
Dedication: This one goes out to Prolific Peggy who kind of hinted that I should
do this one.
Summary: Cuddy gets the full scoop and uncorks……
Chapter 1 [West Princeton—Cuddy’s House—concurrent with the Ducklings’ visit to
House’s apartment]
Cuddy opened her eyes for what seemed to be the ten thousandth time that
night/early morning and stared up at the ceiling. Sleep had evaded her for much
of that evening; her mind continued ruminating on things. She knew it wasn’t the
budget or presentation to the Board.
Those things were already behind her…..
Then she rolled her eyes, admitting to herself what it was. She worried about
House’s cancer and his prognosis. This is the day he goes to Mass General. She
grimaced at the memory of the call to her counterpart up there. You should have
considered all of the facts before grilling them, Lisa. Then again, this is
House we’re talking about. She sighed heavily and pulled herself out of bed,
knowing she would have to face the day soon enough.
Her mind, however, kept going back to the previous night’s encounter with the
difficult diagnostician and their embrace…not to mention where he’d touched her.
That’s one small feel for man. One giant leap for mankind.
It figured he would’ve said that. She frowned at the blatant sexism even as she
racked it up to his *unique* wit. In addition, those words sent a warm feeling
through her. Although she would never admit it to him, she had cared for him
since medical school. I should go with him. Maybe I can cancel my appointments
and spend the weekend up there to support him.
She threw on her robe and headed for the shower. Feelings were nice but she
needed to reroute her schedule first. And that meant heading into PPTH.
Chapter 2 [Cuddy’s Suite—about two hours later]
After a shower, two cups of coffee and a ride in, Cuddy scanned through the last
of the weekly reports, scribbling her signature across the dotted lines. For
once, she could see the bottom of her inbox. I should videotape this moment for
posterity! She checked the computer planner and found that she would be clear
after her 1-3 Clinic shift. After that, I can head for Boston. It’ll be a long
drive but I can handle it.
Then a knock came from her door.
“Yes?” she asked.
Wilson stuck his head in. “Have a minute?”
She noted his testiness. Now what? From previous experience, she knew that he
wouldn’t bring an issue to her attention unless he felt it was serious. “Sure. I
was going to talk with you later anyhow.”
“You were?” he inquired in surprise.
She glanced at him, wondering what was going through his head. “I was going to
ask you to keep an eye on things while I’m out of town this weekend. What
exactly is going on, Wilson? You have that ‘House is up to something’ look on
your face.”
He slid his hands into his pockets while slumping his shoulders ever so
slightly. His eyes bore into the carpeting.
What the Hell did you do now, House? She ground her teeth as her administrative
sixth sense picked up on yet another House-bred issue stirring up her turf.
“Spill it, Wilson. What did House do now?”
He laughed sarcastically. “You really aren’t going to believe this one, Cuddy.
He really topped himself this time. House faked having cancer.”
She shot Wilson the Glare.
“His staff ran the tests. They found that he didn’t have it!” He shook his head.
“House was using a patient’s records to convince Mass General he had it!”
She grimaced; her mind swimming through the ethical nightmare manifesting itself
in front of her. “They’re certain of this?”
“Cameron and Chase told me. Then I just had it out with him. He’s in his office
if you must know,” he informed her.
“Unreal,” she declared while staring out the window. “What the Hell was he
thinking?” She turned back toward her visitor. “Did he say anything to you?”
“Cuddy, this is House we’re talking about. He made some snide comment about how
people are boring. I told him about pushing people away for all of the good it
did,” he reminded her.
“I know. I need to deal with this. If you will excuse me, Wilson?” she replied.
After he left, she followed toward the elevator.
How could he do that? HOW? She could feel the steam coming out of her ears this
time. No matter how many times she lectured House on being underhanded, he would
still ignore her.
This time, there would be the argument from Hell. You could count on that.
Chapter 3 [Diagnostics Suite]
House leaned back in his chair, trying to deal with the pounding between his
ears. By all rights, he should’ve been on a plane to Boston and the potential
cure for his leg. It seemed like the perfect plan….if only the Ducklings had
left it alone. I wasn’t going to kill anyone! He growled, considering the
lecture from Wilson. Why couldn’t they have left it alone! They can screw around
with the leg and it’s okay. If I want to do that, it’s wrong! Damn hypocrites!
The Underling Trio all called in sick that day, feeling repelled by their
insidious lying boss (or so they thought). The timestamps on the voice mail came
within twenty minutes of their waking him up.
He ran his index finger through the air as if trying to find some hidden lyric
floating around in the air. From Piano Boy’s case, he’d discovered some new
beats and tones.
Alas, if only they could last.
Cuddy stormed into the room like a crazed harpy. “HOUSE!”
He rubbed his head, feeling the throbbing quicken dramatically. “Let me
guess…you’re here representing Make a Wish?”
“That’s only for dying people, House, which…gee…YOU AREN’T!” she snapped. Now
she rubbed her temples. “Why, House? WHY? Don’t you get it?”
He rolled his eyes. “Oh goodie. This again?” He forced himself to stand,
ignoring the pain shooting up and down his leg in the process. “You
know—Wilson’s already yelled at me, Boss. Take a number.” He limped toward the
door.
She stood in front of his door, blockading him into the suite. “Oh no you don’t!
I’m not letting you out of here until I get a few choice words in! You used
patient records! You made us think you were dying! How many times do you think
you can get away with playing fast and free with the rules!”
He quirked an eyebrow at her skeptically. “Wow. And here I thought you’d be on
my side.”
She folded her arms across her chest and glanced sarcastically. “Oh really? And
how pray tell would you come to that conclusion?”
He stared at her; his eyes in the wide open sarcastic stare. “I was following
your example, Mom.”
“My example?” She snorted in disbelief. “And how have I sinned now?”
“The magic ketamine stuff, Cuddy.” He labored around the office on his cane.
“Remember when I could run like the wind? Skip to the beat? Watch the twins from
the bedroom window? Now those were the days.”
She sighed despondently; the failure hitting her square in the face again.
“House, I said I was sorry. We were trying to cure you. That, however, doesn’t
give you the right to lie and cheat your way….”
He sniggered sarcastically at her. “Oh and how did you get the right to mess
around when you used Protein C on your roof guy? And how about….?”
She growled low, “House, those were accepted medical uses! You’re twisting the
rules!”
“Gee, the Evil Queen hides behind the numbers again. Shocker there,” he
countered. “Who determines the rules, huh? Damn. Everyone else can experiment
but the evil House and they’re cool. When I do it, it’s so naughty!”
She averted her eyes, knowing that his reputation often caused prejudice….and
more often than not for good reason. Still he had a point. “Because you don’t go
through the same channels as the rest of us maybe? Ever think of doing a study
yourself?”
“Yeah right.”
“I’m serious, House,” she insisted. “We can do a study right here comparing
ketamine with that cancer drug. Of course I can coordinate the study to make
sure everything is ethical.”
“Now there’s the Cuddy I know,” he replied although he let the sarcasm diminish
considerably. “In one step, she goes from letting me run the study to having
someone else poke at me. Love when my buddies toy around with my ass.”
She shook her head. “House, you should know by now that I trust you to come up
with innovative ideas. However, you could involve the rest of us too.”
He rolled his eyes.
“Besides there is one other benefit,” she insisted.
“You get to keep your mitts on it?” he guessed.
“That,” she conceded before adding, “That…and it would help to keep the Tritters
of the world off of our collective case.”
He snarled, admitting to himself that she did have a point in that regard. “And
what about the Camerons and Wilsons of the world?” He raised two expectant
eyebrows.
“What about them?”
He chuckled, enjoying the fact that she was missing a part of the equation. “All
of the kiddies’ gossiping blew this situation way outta proportion! Cameron
blabbed to everyone! My kiddies ignored me when I told them not to focus on me!
Hell, they let Piano Boy get worse!”
“Sounds like they all gave you a taste of your own medicine, House.”
He frowned. “And embarrassed your ass, Cuddy. I heard about your argument with
the Big Cheese at Mass General about me. Sucks to be you, doesn’t it?”
She ground her teeth, imagining the apologizing she would need to do in the not
too distant future. “You were plotting something unethical, House.”
“Oh right! It wasn’t on a patient….”
“For once,” she interjected cynically.
“…It was for me damn it!” He slammed his cane against a wall. “I ask again—why
is it SO BAD for me to want to be rid of the pain in my leg AND keep it? Why
does everyone think they know more about what’s good for me than I DO?”
“Because you’re like a kid sometimes,” she countered, trying desperately to rein
in her temper. “Your pain limits your objectivity! The Vicodin blunts it but the
pain still distracts you. It would anyone! You’re human, House.” She rubbed his
shoulder. “You’re a genius. But it doesn’t hurt to get several opinions.”
“And you’re opposed. So what?”
She retorted firmly, “I don’t like you going underhanded to get what you want,
all right? Work with us on the pain study! Wilson can get his colleague in
Boston to work with us on the application.” She bowed her head. “House, I know
we screwed up with the ketamine. Let’s proceed along this path. Let’s see if we
can get you what you need.” She glanced out into the hall to make sure nobody
was coming. “People care.” She kissed his cheek softly. “Think on that. Come and
see me around nine tomorrow. We need to talk further.” With that, she left the
suite.
He slumped back into his chair completely wonderstruck by her kiss. For
years…Hell…more like decades, they’d traded banter barbs. In the process, he’d
thrown every comment about her anatomy into the pot.
Yet despite her sticking to Anality For Dummies, she’d more than put up with
him. She’d stuck by him, endangering her own professional standing and freedom
in the process. She lied for him in court. She didn’t fire him. Amazingly
enough, she’d be willing to organize a study so he could get what he needed
“experimentally”?
He wrestled with those thoughts and one other….that she truly cared about him.
He put his coat on and limped out the door heading for the wintry sidewalk
beyond.
There was definitely a great deal to think about…..
Chapter 4 [Next Morning—Cuddy’s Suite]
House limped out of the elevator and down the hall toward Cuddy’s office. For
much of the previous evening, he’d wondered if Cuddy would really sanction a
study to help with his pain.
He’d hung out at a nearby tavern watching life go by. He’d seen the Ducklings
eating together but declined to join them, choosing instead to watch them
interact.
An hour before his current time, he’d plunked ‘keys’ on the piano mat; his
fingers eliciting tunes from the plastic in front of himself. Even as the music
rose to soothe his ears and psyche, he’d eyed the clock.
The Ducklings were late and there weren’t any messages on the machine.
He shook his head. As much as she’s annoying as Hell, even Cameron would’ve left
word. Consideration and all of that crap. Guess someone’s going to be doing my
Clinic hours even if Cuddy has a bird about it! That thought and the ensuing
debate brought a smirk to his lips. Despite the inherent aggravation involved,
he secretly enjoyed the verbal judo with his boss not to mention how she reared
her shoulders every time he got her mad.
Before that thought could go any farther, Cuddy’s newest assistant, a red headed
female with rounded spectacles over her skinny face, glanced at him. “They’re
waiting for you in the conference room, Dr. House.”
“And a good morning to you too,” he cracked sarcastically.
She snorted back in a like manner.
“Ooh and snarky too. Where did Cuddy find you?”
“Look under ‘S’ for sarcastic in the phone book. I’m sure you’re very familiar
with that area yourself,” she countered dryly.
He stared at her with the intensely blank stare. “More so than you, Toots.” With
that, he headed for the conference room where Cuddy, Wilson and the Ducklings
waited for him. “Whoa! So this is where you’ve been hiding.”
“And good morning to you too, House,” Wilson replied matter of factly while
sipping on his coffee. “See you fell out of bed on the right side too.”
“Emphasis on fell,” the diagnostician retorted while taking a seat and looking
at his staff. “Where have you all been?”
“Right here waiting for you, House,” Foreman insisted. “Just like we were last
night.”
“You could’ve come over instead of stalking us from the bar,” Cameron added; her
eyes locking with his glance.
Rather than say anything, Chase just shrugged and let it go at that.
House squirmed, not liking all of the attention. Ignoring the ‘I told you so’
glances from Wilson and Cuddy, he assessed, “You’re saying that to cover your
asses. I needed to be alone.”
“That’s your prob….” Cameron started before Cuddy shook her head at her.
“I stand by what I said yesterday, House,” Wilson insisted. “Whether we like you
or not, we are your colleagues. You can come to us with a problem, you know.”
House rolled his eyes, feeling nauseous from the hunky dory attitude developing
in the room. “If I come to you, fine.” He glared at Cameron. “But I hate it when
people butt their noses into my private stuff!”
“Excuse me?” Cameron protested.
House sniggered. “Did someone die and appoint you as Big Sister? The only reason
you found out, Cameron, was because you don't know how to mind your business! I should fire your ass
for that!”
“As if you haven’t done things like that yourself,” the younger woman growled.
“And I’ve nailed him on it,” Cuddy interjected while handing out envelopes to
the trio. “While I appreciate why you did what you did, I’ve had to put these in
your files.”
Foreman stared incredulously at the Dean. “Why?”
“You screwed up the patient, Foreman,” House insisted; his blue eyes flaring
azure fire at him from across the table. “Maybe next time when I tell you to
leave my business alone, you will.”
“You just want to be alone, don’t you?” Cameron snapped.
“Too bad you’ll never find out,” her boss shot back.
Cuddy rapped her knuckles on the table. “This is not going to degenerate into a
hissing match. Settle down, all of you.” She waited for a long minute while the
dust settled before continuing. “I think we need to remember to respect
boundaries.” Knowing House would shoot his mouth off on that front, she added
for his benefit, “All of us. That’s the main reason why I wanted us here today.
Wilson, want to continue?”
The oncologist nodded. “I’ve been in touch with my colleague at Mass General
about his research concerning that brain treatment you were going to do today,
House. He gave me the bare essentials and the rest I picked up from the database
last night. I personally think that it’s a bad idea because it’s never been
tried before for a case such as yours. However, after the ketamine and Tritter
situations, I’m willing to try anything. Anyhow, if you agree to do this study,
we can try it and see what happens.”
“Oh so now you’re okay with it?” House hissed. “Put a legit ass saving cover on
it and Wilson’s cool.”
“He agrees with me,” Cuddy insisted; her eyes meeting his. “Especially given
what’s happened earlier this year.” She sighed. “But you don’t get off Scott
free either, House. After this surgery, no Vicodin and we’ll have to monitor
your condition carefully.”
“Get rid of the pain and we’ll talk,” House countered.
“No, House,” Cuddy shot back. “That’s the deal. Take it or leave it. You made it
without the Vicodin while the ketamine was working. We did this before. We can
do it again. Besides, it’ll help certain hospital-police relations if you get my
meaning?” She arched her right eyebrow for emphasis.
He frowned, knowing she was referring to Tritter not to mention her perjury in
the trial. He hated the deal because he didn’t want to get rid of his safety
net. He didn’t want the Pain to flare again.
But he wanted to get rid of his other ball and chain more. He eyed his cane—the
symbol of his handicap.
Anger and resentment flared in his gut. If he could get rid of the damned
thing…..
“I want monitoring for pain,” he hissed through clenched teeth.
“As we would for any test subject or patient, House,” Wilson agreed. “Don't
worry, we won’t leave you hanging out to dry.”
“That work for you three?” Cuddy inquired of the three staff members.
“If he goes along with it, fine,” Foreman nodded.
“I’ll do it,” Chase agreed, feeling glad to stay within the lines.
Cameron sighed, keeping her feelings bottled up inside of herself. How come when
I want to help him and be there, it’s a bad thing? But when SHE does it,
everyone’s fine with it? I would’ve been willing to put this forward if House
would listen….
“Cameron?” Cuddy asked, guessing at what was going on in the other’s head.
“Fine. Let’s do it if it will help.” She exchanged looks with the others before
getting up. “Sorry but I have Clinic duty. Are we finished?”
“You can go, Cameron. Thank you,” Cuddy agreed. After the other woman left, she
continued, “Okay. I’ll submit the paperwork at the Board meeting this afternoon.
Given what we’re trying to accomplish, I’m sure they’ll give it universal
approval.”
After some arguing and haranguing, Wilson worried to himself. Still he knew this
was the way to go….
…And if it helped his best friend, all the better.
Conclusion [Two Weeks Later—Mass General]
House blinked slowly at the lights above his head. The last thing he remembered
was drifting off to sleep due to the IV drip. Now he found himself back in his
room and felt the sticky tug from the bandages on his head. They really did it.
He knew that Wilson’s counterpart would be in soon enough to check on him. Hope
he remembers it’s a pain adjustment not a “make nice” thing.
He also knew that people would be watching closely…a fact he was not all that
comfortable with. Cuddy will probably have a web cam and Cameron ready to rat on
me. Terrific. He stretched his hand out and touched a cool glass surface.
On his nightstand, he saw a single red rose sitting there in a glass filled with
water. “Wha…?”
“Thought you might like some company,” Cuddy noted from the doorway.
He took a deep breath while conceding a smirk. “Ya couldn’t…stay…way, could ya?”
She chuckled, letting her eyes sparkle at him. “Someone had to cut the staff
here a break. We know how big of a pain in the ass you can be.”
“Takes one…to know one,” he retorted.
“You have no idea,” she told him. “We’re going to ride you on the therapy and
going clean.”
“Ya can try. Still doesn’t…mean I like the…Clinic,” he jabbed, semi-teasing her.
“I can hope for a miracle, right?” she queried while checking his water glass.
“Meantime, you get some rest. I’ll be right here.” She kissed his forehead.
“Th…anks,” he croaked hoarsely before closing his eyes and drifting off to
sleep. From the flower and her visit, he knew how she felt for him. And from the
warm feelings inside of himself, he knew how he felt for her as well.
****
Meantime she leaned back into the chair’s soft cushions while watching him
breathe and sleep. After having talked to the chief surgeon, she knew that the
surgery had gone without problems. However, as with the ketamine procedure, she
gathered there could be side effects. We’ll have to keep a close eye on him.
She recalled how that procedure had brought its own issues—both good and bad—for
House and consequently, PPTH as a whole.
No lies this time, House. And if I can help it, no more pain either. She glared
at the cane leaning against the nightstand, recalling the ongoing pain of the
infarction and the main reason why they were both there. I’m sure he’ll enjoy
destroying that thing too. She made up her mind that at some point, they would
burn it together.
She squeezed his hand and kissed him again softly. As she did, the warmth
blossomed in her heart. She grinned in spite of herself.
It would be a long road but at least she had confirmation of her feelings and
his. And where love was concerned, she knew that even someone as stubborn as
House would make further concessions.
After all, he never could resist a good puzzle or her, could he?
THE END
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